The Future Queen of Spain, And Friends [1/9/07]

It sometimes makes me feel a mite dirty, but I have this appreciation for newsreaders of the female persuasion. That may sound harmless enough. Who doesn’t appreciate an immaculately prepared, primped woman with professionally applied make-up and perfect hair?

But it’s the others who also say they appreciate female newsreaders that is the problem. Some of these people are weird. Whatever strange preference a fellow could possibly enjoy in the rich tapestry of life, it is possible to do a fairly rudimentary internet seach and to find others with similar views … and they’ll be talking to others of the same orientation about quite bizzare ideas connected with this view of the world, which frequently involve the dodgier areas of intimate life. Yes, some people – let’s be honest, men – watch the evening news bulletin with their trousers down.

One message board poster claimed that his “ultimate goal” was do do something positively disgusting to a newsreader. However this wasn’t bad enough. The truly twisted aspect of what this individual wanted to happen was not so much to enjoy the act as it happened, but to laugh at what he described as his “shenannigans”, as he watched the news in the days afterwards. Weird.

I’m not like that. At all. But I do value the attractive qualities of a woman on the camera, telling me who’s killing who and which politicians are lying to me and why my sporting teams are losing. It’s as much the manner and professionalism that I find appealing … but to be honest they wouldn’t be on TV if they were hideous, would they?

Here’s a list of a few news and current affairs personalities I’ve noticed over the years, and a few words about the qualities they offer, with the occasional irrelevant aside.

Lilli Gruber (RAI UNO, Italy) Currently a member of the European Parliament, her TV career was marked by a refreshing on-camera attitude. She wasn’t afraid to move around in her swivel chair, to look completely unimpressed when the producers cut back to her after a story, and to say with her body language, during an interview, “Well, nobody believes that. Including me.” She didn’t take drap from anyone. I miss her.

Helen Kapalos (10, Melbourne, Australia) Used to work for Channel 9. Stylish performer. Only seen by a national audience in the background at Logies awards and things. Attended the opening of Robert De Niro’s restaurant in Melbourne. Immaculate hair.

Becky Anderson (CNN) British anchor and interviewer. No-nonsense approach. Memorable for a seeming unwillingness to attempt to be a princess, and for hosting regular golf and sailing programmes as well as the news.

Jaynie Seal (9 weather, Sydney, Australia) Perky blonde woman betraying no affinity with the subject she broadcasts, beyond reading what’s written for her. Trained singer and dancer. Not a meteorologist.

Georgie Gardiner  (9, Sydney, Australia) Pretty. Worked at every Australian TV network.

Kim Watkins (10, Australia) Currently works on daily cult TV show 9AM With David & Kim (with David Reyne). Kim’s superb voice and and ease of pronunciation are missed in her current role.

Bernadine Oliver-Kerby (TVNZ, New Zealand) Sports fan and more than capable newsreader. Agreeable personality. She seems like a fun person. Was once stared at while filming a story in the former Yugoslavia by a very swarthy and very creepy man. That was disturbing.

Sara Groen (7 weather, Sydney, Australia) No more of a meteorologist than Jaynie is.

Letizia Ortiz Rocasolano (Spain) The Crown Prince of Spain married her. Doesn’t read the news now. Not a babe any more – now she’s a royal babe.

Naomi Robson (7 current affairs anchor, Australia) Reputed to be quite unpleasant in person. The word “bitch” is occasionally used. Not in front of the cameras at present. Once went out with a drug dealer. Various live confessions about her private and professional life have amused and delighted millions.

Anna Coren (7 current affairs anchor, Australia) Replaced Naomi. Less controversial. Once memorably played tennis against Andre Agassi in a very brief top and very tight shorts.

Kathryn Robinson (10, Australia) A goddess.

Elizabeth Hayes (9 curent affairs, Australia) An enduring memory from childhood was following Liz’s many hairstyles in the 1980s. Ageing a bit now.

Tracey Grimshaw (9 current affairs, Australia) Followed in Liz’s footsteps. Her dog once did a poo somewhere it shouldn’t have, and Tracey avoided paying the fine.

Karen Tso (9, Australia) Where this thing started for me. Karen used to work for ABC radio, so we never saw her face. She’s one of those close to perfect Eurasian people. And, in addition to knowing a lot about finance, she’s a keen horse racing enthusiast and punter.

Natarsha Belling (10, Australia) The ‘r’ in her name used to annoy me. But it doesn’t any more.

Angela Bishop (10 entertainment, Australia) The industry would improve if she wasn’t in it.

What to make of all of the above? Bugger all really. It can be rewarding to watch the news with a more critical eye on what occurs in the studio. Is that a conclusion or a take home message?


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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You do know that Jerry Seinfeld, when he was out here years ago after the show finished and he did some standup, saw NataRsha on tv and rang around and got her number and took her out for a drink/meal? Didn’t go anywhere.

    And you haven’t got another newsreader Jennifer K**** on your list but do you know the rumour about her? And Johnny Diesel and a coke bottle?

    Just thought you might like to know seeing as you have a thing for female newsreaders and all…

  2. I didn’t know about Tarsh and Jerry. Didn’t he have a reputation for favouring much younger women, at that time anyway?

    Ah, the Coke bottle. I’d forgotten all about that.

  3. Just remembered I’d left a comment here… yes Jerry did like the younger ones back then. Might still. Have you seen his Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee? It’s pretty good.

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