Outside the door Domino’s tail is wagging, gently against the floor. She’s waiting for me to emerge from the room and no doubt wondering if my presence will equal pats or a game or both. I’ve been in here staring at the screen for hours now, trying to put something together, not happy with the latest instalment of the blog where I attempt to cook every meal in the Auguste Escoffier’s Le Guide Culinaire (1903) and somehow reflect on what’s happening in my life as it relates to buying and cooking the ingredients.

OK. That’s not what I’m doing. I’ve been in here about half an hour and I’m just not at all sure what I’m doing sometimes when I sit down and turn on the computer. I only chose Escoffier as his book sounds infinitely trickier than Julia Child’s book from the 1961, and I saw Julie & Julia the other day, a film where Meryl Streep plays Julia and there’s a not particularly memorable present-day character named Julie who decides to prepare all of Julia’s recipes, and, you guessed it, write a blog about her experience. Meryl was good and half of the film was very enjoyable.

But what am I doing? Not sure. I suppose my project is to keep writing and to try to produce something of value, if not quality, as often as possible. To bring a certain amount of intelligence and a modicum of skill to this keyboard and see where I can go from there. Having written that I’ve been overcome with a fear. I don’t like to make commitments and this sounds like I’m saying I’m committed to doing this every night or something. Not on your nelly. Instead, what this is is a meditation on what it’s like to do anything as part of a routine and how hard it is to make a routine (noun) become just routine (adjective) – to make your new routine be routine. Word games, eh. Like ‘em?

There are many things I should do and do do but probably wouldn’t if I really had to think about them. If I asked do I really want to do this one thing, in isolation, there are so many instances where I’d say, “Oh, I dunno … don’t really feel like it. Not today. A day won’t matter … I’ll do it tomorrow.” Dental hygiene would go completely out the window, as just the most obvious example. Sometimes my affinity for lassitude is such that the effort I make to not succumb to the temptation of just saying no (to everything) yields good things. It keeps me going. I have become uncomfortable with sitting down if there’s something that needs doing, and I usually do it.

But this is a slow process and I’m adding to the tasks that are part of my program gradually. It’s not obvious to others but the list is growing. It takes time for things to become routine. I don’t like my routines interfered with and I tend to have quite specific rules about how I like to do things, which I suppose means I’m a curmudgeonly old bastard as well as a person who couldn’t think what to write about in this missive.

Published in: on March 31, 2010 at 7:59 pm  Leave a Comment  

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