I could write a song?

No, you can’t write poetry. You’re shit at rhyme and wordplay.

Songs don’t necessarily have wordplay.

The good ones do.

But there are others, and when you read them on the page they’re quite bad. They don’t look like they should look, or something.

Yep, that’s where the music comes in. The words are shaped the rhythm and the beat and so on. And you know nothing about music.

Yeah, true.

And good songs really are poems set to music. And you lack the music and the poetry from that combination.

There’s no need to rub it in. I could write a limerick?

I doubt you could even do that.

That’s unfair! I can write.

Yes you can, I’ve seen you use a pen. I’ve seen you type too.

I mean write, write with a capital R …

Is that how you spell it? I’ve been spelling the word incorrectly in that case.

Did that on purpose. Being inventive. Playful. As writers do.

Ah, but that could be mistaken for … a … mistake.

OK, more work needed perhaps. But we edit our work, make the jokes funnier and all that.

What, is that what you writers do?


Look, start small. Write an amusing list. Then write another – a list of things which will amuse the average reader. If that works, move on to alliteration and assonance and that stuff.

You reckon I can’t do it.

I reckon you can’t do it well.

That’s an even bigger insult, in a way.

Bigger than what? What do you mean?

Bigger than saying I can’t write at all.

Demonstrate the truth of that statement.

No such thing as truth. Learnt that at uni.

Right then, persuade me instead.

To say I can’t write is rude but at least it’ll make me do something else. To say I can’t do it well is an implicit challenge.

You learn that word at uni as well?


I’m just breaking you down so I can build you up again, but you’ve asked so many questions and kept this thing going so long that it’s ruined now. There’s no hope. The footy’s starting soon. Go away.

Ah, feigned indifference. A faux dismissal of the subject. Another challenge?

Maybe. Anyway, enough with the big words. The guy typing this is going to have to look up how to spell some of them.

Published in: on November 11, 2010 at 6:39 pm  Leave a Comment  

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