Personal Issues Have An Influence

I don’t feel like talking about it, because I don’t – and didn’t – feel like doing it, at the time. And writing about not doing it, but having tried to, is a bit like having a go at doing it all over again, and failing, and is it normal to re-live a bad experience voluntarily? No. Not, as a rule. People don’t do that. Not usually.

I avoid things and people. Not things and people I know and am comfortable with: strange things and people. The unknown scares me. I hate the unpredictability of certain situations with certain people. It’s being scared, I suppose. Scared is big for me. And it’s not the product of poor socialisation as a little kid or anything like that – it’s called a personality, and mine doesn’t want to call the Vodafone call centre, because it knows it won’t have a good time with the ensuing experience. Explaining things that are dull, or hard to explain, or unpleasant, or tiresome (such as recalling personal details and passwords and so on), having to put the same point in more than one way, if the first version doesn’t make complete sense … and so many other things – I hate using the phone to start with: it seems such an invasion of other people’s privacy; you can’t know if you are violating personal time when you make a call, but you know it’s frequently unpleasant when it happens to you, so it must be to others, or something; and generally it’s just the unknown thing – how will a conversation pan out? Who can know that? I actually like talking on the phone. I just hate making phone calls – is the distinction clear? I hope so.

Confrontation and explanation and defending a position are all fine, in their own ways, but not with strangers. In fact most things are unpleasant with strangers.

And so I wander past shops, wondering if I will go in – will it feel right, as it usually doesn’t – and I often don’t, as I don’t want to. And I put off things, like making appointments and taking care of details.

It’s not fair – some people are fine with these things and actually enjoy doing them, making calls, sauntering into a shop with no firm object in mind, prepared to just talk to a shop assistant. But some aren’t like that. Email was supposed to be my saviour – if not in the mood stuff could still get done, write the words, fill in the fields, bingo!

Some people hate the pervasiveness of web-based signing up and ordering and so on, and they have similar ideas about automatic press 3 if you have a problem with your account phone-based administrative things as well. I love them. I wish they were everywhere and an option, every time, when you want to pay for something or change an order or become a customer. I don’t need the re-assurance of a real voice or face, as it’s not real anyway – they aren’t being your friend, the real people, and they’re probably going to try to sell you something else as well.

And I just don’t like them anyway.

Being left alone, completely, would be such solace.

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Published in: on February 24, 2011 at 7:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

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