No Is Not An Option

Is life supposed to be a series of thoroughly unpleasant experiences, all lined up in a row, a never-ending list of ready reserves, primed to launch into action the moment something problematic or tediously awful has been sufficiently dealt with that it can be considered gone (if not solved or sorted); another dropping into place as each challenge is met and fudged and smudged and moved to the back of the fridge where it doesn’t count any more as it can’t be seen? It feels like this is the way it’s meant to be sometimes.

I’m the first to point to others worse off and to attempt to get perspective in assessing the cards we have been dealt by the Great Architect, but shit it seems bad sometimes. Like you can never be left alone. Even though that’s where you’d prefer to be: in a corner, keeping a low profile, with maybe a book in one hand and a candle in the other. It is like some divine force has pinpointed your weak spot and is ruthlessly assaulting it – and laughing at you: it definitely feels spiteful and personal. As if it could be stopped, but that would mean that the fun would stop in my particular Truman Show.

Others must have similar experiences. Surely they have.

The mind constantly wanders into the realms of time and space where an individual didn’t need ID documents and didn’t need to conform to a timetable and didn’t need to do anything they didn’t want to do. Feed yourself: that was the most important thing, the only necessary thing. Of course a lifestyle of this sort would almost certainly not admit many of the 21st Century luxuries we take for granted. And it would also not be compatible to keep a substantial library in such circumstances – in most cases anyway.

So, there is no way to opt out of things you don’t want to be a part of. It all sucks, and we have to do all of it.

No, it’s not that bad. It just seems like it is. And what’s the difference – seeming is enough.

I shall think about good things: dogs and cats and overcast days and baked potatoes. I’ll put my problems on hold until tomorrow[1].

[1] Actually I won’t, because I can’t. I find it impossible to pretend a problem which needs attention is not there, in the name of getting a good sleep, for example.

Published in: on March 10, 2011 at 6:58 pm  Leave a Comment  

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