The Ongoing Struggle Of Sleep – Imagined Conversations

And another thing you often do when you can’t sleep is carry out conversations in your head. A common one is the work conversation, or the meeting with your boss where you say all the things you never have said but wish you did. These conversations never go anywhere, of course, and while you are performing the parts – well, one part really, yours, and doing it with aplomb – you become stuck in a kind of circular process where you keep returning to the original point and then refine your own defence of yourself or prosecution of your interests and each time the words are better chosen and in turn it makes you a little bit more worked up because you are impressed with your own eloquence, in your head, in a conversation which is not real and will never be carried out in this format anyway, but you are also impressed, in an excitable way, with the justice of your cause and the unfairness of it all. And yes, you say, to yourself, this will happen, and I will say these things, for real, and it cannot hope to fail. Because I am right and I have been wronged … and so on, and so on, and on.

Alcohol can play a part in these thoughts, especially if stroppiness an ingredient, but it isn’t necessary. The only requirements are an undervalued employee – and that’s all of us, at times – in need of sleep, who isn’t in a great mood. Dreams are meant to be, in part, sorting through and making sense of the day, and in a way these fictional arguments where one stands up for oneself are a more long-term sorting of the issues which agglomerate to form work-related neuroses.

Last time I was locked into one of these negative work thought conversations, though, I did promise myself to make a few notes, and I will, for it is better to be prepared, to have one’s ideas in order and a considered weight behind how you present them. That will happen next time, I hope. So there can be a point to these things, they can have a practical purpose, but they won’t help you sleep.

Published in: on January 31, 2012 at 7:15 pm  Leave a Comment  

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