SASSY TOWN FOLLIES by Felicity Appleton, no. 9 March 4


If The Cupcakery had a café and you could sit down there and the coffee they served was as good as the EstroGym Frappuccino: that was the best I could come up with. We were in the park, the sun was shining, and Kikki had just asked me what I fantasised about. I knew the answer was lame, embarrassingly lame, but I had genuinely thought about how good a Cupcakery Coffee Shop would be. And it’s a café I’d go to. It would be perfect. It’s my fantasy, so of course it would be perfect, but really, how could it not be the best place ever?

Kikki said she fantasised about having a baby, and I felt bad. Like I wasn’t taking the game seriously. She said she thought about it all the time. That she’d wanted to be a mummy since she was little. That she felt envious when her cousin Millie had twins last year. She was glad for her, and the boys are beautiful – I’ve seen photos – but Kikki couldn’t shake the idea that she wanted this for herself and things just seemed to come easily to Millie and it didn’t seem fair.

And that got Kikki talking about men in general and partners in particular. And it got her talking about Aiden again. I said we’d been over that. She was better without him. (I’d gone over to her place on Saturday night and we watched ‘The Office’ in our pyjamas and ate ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate and raspberry topping and Smarties and green and red jelly, and generally made ourselves sick. She’d just broken up with Aiden. It’s for the best. He’s vain and shallow, and he’s selfish, and he’s immature, even if he does drive an Aston Martin. I told Kikki she was better than that, better than him. I told her that there was no future with a man like him. She said that their children would have had great hair. I thought she was joking.)

There’s so much time, I said. There’s no hurry. There’s time to focus on your career. To see how far you can go at Sparky People. There are so many opportunities for a level headed gal in public relations, and when you’re smart and sassy the world’s your oyster. Jonesy is a good mentor, I said. He wants us both to go far. He only seems like a grumpy old bloke who hates everyone.

We ate our sushi. It was Sushi Wednesday and we were being good. I said I wanted to have a baby too. I wanted a baby now, so I could have a play with it and work out exactly what it was like to be a mother. Try before you buy. Send it back for a refund, like at ASOS or TopShop, if I wasn’t satisfied. It sounded like a lot of fun actually. It’s a shame you can’t borrow one for the day. Or rent one.

Kikki said it was a bit wrong to think of it like that. She said you should just know. But that’s not fair, I said. You get to play with Max and Pierre whenever you want to. You get to try before you buy. And besides, I said, you just want to have a baby because Wills and Kate are going to have one. She went quiet, and then she smiled, and I knew it was partially true. Of course it is. All women want to be like Kate. I know I do.

Published in: on March 4, 2013 at 7:27 pm  Leave a Comment  

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