SASSY TOWN FOLLIES by Felicity Appleton no. 32, September 17

Hawaii part 2

And just like that (Carrie Bradshaw always says “and just like that”, doesn’t she?) the two weeks was over and it was time to come home. The Kauai Regis Majestic Beach Hotel & Spa had been our home base and our lounge and main perving vantage point. The staff had been friendly and willing to help whenever we needed help, which, to be honest, was mostly when more piña coladas were needed. And the need was mostly Kikki’s, if we’re being very honest. (She can really drink! I’m sure the Frencham boys would have thought she was very cool if she had gone to school with Heather and I.) We got to know Harry the barman by the pool near the beach best. We got to know the bellboy who looked like Dean Cain from Lois & Clark pretty well too. By sight. Before long he knew he was being ogled and he would smile when he saw us. As we were checking out, he flexed his biceps at us across the lobby. So we got a photo with him and gave him a kiss and a small tip each and he smiled his big white smile and said he hoped he’d see us again.

He was lovely.

There was sitting in the sun and swimming and more sitting in the sun with a piña colada. I read half of Inferno, the latest Dan Brown book, which is very exciting and was perfect to read on a Hawaiian sunlounge. We shopped at all the department stores – at Macy’s, JC Penney, Sears, Neiman Marcus, and Saks Fifth Avenue. We bought tracksuits from Juicy Couture and other clothes – clothes are so cheap! – and Heather bought a Hermes wallet for 25% off. We also bought fragrances: I got a Sarah Jessica Parker Worship, which is really hard to get in Australia.

All the way from Sydney to Hawaii, Heather had been talking about the day spa and so she was keen to go there and have a go at everything they offered. The Goddess package which we were on included all treatments. Heather worked her way through the booklet from front to back and then started again. She had a full body massage every day. I had a few of them too and aromatherapy and shiatsu, but the best was hot rock massage. Kikki only came to the day spa a few times. She said she preferred to spend time with Harry. Her friend Harry, she said. When we dragged her away from the bar she really enjoyed a massage and she seemed to get a lot out of the isolation tank, but she ran – ran – back to Harry when she came out.

Hank and Ted were at the Rumours night club on most nights and they were perfect gentlemen when they saw us. They brought over drinks and danced with us and escorted us to our rooms when the dancing was over. They made sure tall glasses of water with super-heavy duty Berocca were sent to Kikki’s room each morning. And it was all PG: kisses goodnight, nothing more. Sigh. They were tall and strong, yet gentle and kind, and, well … oh, it was just a shame. What might have been.

On the second last night we opened a bottle of champagne at dinner and toasted our luck and our success and the good times we’d had. Then Heather told Kikki she was a dirty little lush who hadn’t tipped anyone or paid for anything since we’d been on the island. She blamed Kikki for not getting more time with Hank. She said the two boys spent all their time making sure Kikki was alright.

So that didn’t go well.

But Kikki had a word to her mate Harry. Harry could make things happen at the Regis Majestic. And Hank appeared outside Heather’s door on the morning of the last day, carrying a tray of breakfast and a rose in his teeth. Heather had her holiday romance, but she still hasn’t forgiven Kikki. Not completely.

We’re going again next year. Maybe.

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Published in: on September 18, 2013 at 8:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
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