SASSY TOWN FOLLIES by Felicity Appleton, no. 34 September 30


You’re talking to the Senior Assistant Director now. Quite exciting, isn’t it! Yes, I know you’re not talking to anybody. You’re reading this, and hopefully enjoying learning about what’s going on in my life. I hope you’re enjoying it! (If anyone has any feedback, please give it to me. Jonesy says feedback is crucial to being a good manager. He says that there is no way to know what you’re doing right without feedback from staff. And feedback is the best way to identify trouble-makers too, not that I have any of them. Except Cheryl, maybe, but I think she’s just a bit sulky because I’m her boss now, technically, and she’s been at Sparky People five years longer than I have. I’ll surprise her with a Frapuccino from EstroGym tomorrow morning. People love having little presents on their desk when they arrive at work.)

SAD is a new role. It was created for me by Jonesy after he returned from New York recently. He challenged the board to let him do things his way. They agreed to allow him to move into the role of President of Global Operations (basically the managing director of the entire company) if he could increase the performance of the Asia-Pacific division by 20%.

The People Bureau is making the upper managers in New York nervous, signing quite a few of our accounts over to them. Jonesy’s ex-wife Margot has leveraged a lot of defections since July (Jonesy says I should use “leverage” as often as I can. Hope I used it correctly). And the board had to turn to Jonesy, as leader of the only strongly performing division. But they wanted to see something more. They wanted to see that he could get even better results. They wanted to see that he could successfully streamline the operation and introduce efficiencies. That means they want as many people as possible to be sacked and they also want to see even better numbers. Jonesy told me that. He told me not to worry, that he had a plan. And his plan involved me.

I’m to be his right hand man. That’s what he calls me. He also calls me mate. I was his right hand man all along, making sure his meetings were in order and people couldn’t just burst into his office, but now it’s different. I don’t just work with accounts and the client liaison executives to assist Jonesy, but I can make decisions now. Company decisions. I hired my first employee last week. He’s twenty two and his name’s Troy and he just quit advertising college. His marks were quite good – he’s just more of a people person than ideas person. We’re all people people at SP. He seemed perfect! He wore a check shirt and skinny jeans and a pale blue jacket and a black bowtie and the look worked for him. He’s got just enough of an artistic streak, and our clients love that. He’s mostly photocopying at the moment, and he makes a terrible cup of coffee, but we mostly go out for coffee anyway – or we send Troy! – so that works out OK.

I asked Jonesy if it was right to hire someone when he was going to rationalise staff numbers (rationalise is another word I should use). He told me not to worry.

But I’m worried.

Oh, and Troy’s quite hot. But he’s too young for me. And that’s not the reason why I hired him anyway. Of course. I’m a professional. A senior executive. He was checking out my legs this morning. I noticed. I don’t think he thinks that I know, but I know.

Published in: on September 30, 2013 at 8:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

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