Internal Riot

And then it comes, as you knew it would, with such force that it cannot be resisted and you must yield. The seed of doubt was but temporary and it is happening now and the awful inevitability returns, for it has happened before and it will happen again. Resistance is what you must do – you know this – but it is hard, so hard that it seems hardly possible but you try and then it seems impossible. Yet people do resist. Others like you who are thus afflicted and know this pain and have felt its weight and wondered if they could go on or what else they could do. They have found a way, some of them, and they manage and they say they are happy, some of them.

But it is hard. They say it is hard and the work they need to do is hard work despite it not being obvious that any work is needed at all. It seems effortless to these people. But it is not effortless. Life is effort and this effort is the toughest effort of all because it may amount to nothing. It’s a continuing struggle and you will never know when weakness may upset the whole edifice that you have built. And once weakness undoes the work and a crack forms in that edifice, well the whole thing will come down and it will be twice as hard to start again.

The result of your weakness may be irrecoverable. You won’t know. You won’t know if you will weaken at all. All you know is that it can happen and it may happen and you must not succumb if it does.

You must second guess yourself and guard against your own fallibilities. You must live in fear of your personal lapses. You must know yourself and fear yourself and your dangerous potentialities.

But it is possible and you can overcome. Others have done it and you can do it too.

And the thought passes, the threatening idea dispatched, and the internal riot is quelled for a time.

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Published in: on November 19, 2013 at 7:30 pm  Leave a Comment  

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